Trying harder

Growing up we are often always asked What would you like to be when you grow up? well now I am 21 years old and I still have no clue. My life was so put together when I was in high school, I knew what college I was going to attend and what my major was gonna be, I had a steady job and a great love of the Lord. I just had everything I could ever want! but now about 5 years later I am currently not in college, I have had a handful of off and on jobs and my most recent one I quit. My relationship with God has falling over the years. I wish I could go back in time and start over I would do alot different, I wouldn't have allowed myself to become a follower, I would have instead stayed a leader. I know I need to just put my faith in God but that is so hard when you have little faith left. I know God's plan for me is the Best plan but why is it so hard to follow it. I am such a selfish person I know I just need to give it all to him, but honestly how do you give it all to him when some of the stuff you are doing you like, why is it so hard to FULLY put my life in his hands, when it was something I once did. I know its the right thing but that doesn't mean it isnt hard...